This past year (sigh) 😮‍💨

It would be crazy if I told you that Hamilton and Olivia Rodrigo’s album SOUR perfectly describes my last year, right?

Imagine if Hamilton and Lawrence had built a relationship over a decade long and Burr moved in with Hamilton. Then Burr and Lawrence became friends, imagine how Hamilton would feel. Would he be able to handle the betrayal? Would he be able to coexist and thrive in an environment like that?

I could not.

Every song I sang from SOUR felt like it was meant for me. And for me, it wasn’t about a romantic relationship or breakup… it was about a friendship breakup. It’s one of the hardest things I think a person can go through.

I’m currently still healing from a very traumatic year and every day there are high and lows. I got to see how far I’ve come and how much I’ve grown, how self-sufficient I am, how wise I am in the relationships I choose to build now. I had encountered so much self-doubt and fear. But there are also days when those things still get to me, they blind any confidence I had and continue to have me look inward to try to fix something.

I am proud of how far I’ve come but to be honest every time I go and dog sit one of these houses and I am in a house alone… it’s hard to face the things I still need to discuss in therapy.

Finding a therapist and a psychiatrist is a lot harder than you think, I feel like nobody answers the phone in the lobby and I’ve left tons of messages with no call back, if you have any advice let me know.

But I hope this post can remind you that no matter what you’re going through, I hear you and I see you and you’re valid and it’s not easy to bounce back from traumatic experiences but every day does get better. I can guarantee you that!

and hopefully you’re able to find some sort of support system whether it be your family or some friends on the Internet who lives thousands of miles away. I have found mine and I am forever grateful, I love you.