How I'm Feeling

I’m so unhappy right now. I’m not exactly sure why. I think it's because I don’t like being home. There’s so much pressure into getting a job again and I’m one of those people who is very resistant to going back to something after not having done it in such a long time (for no reason, just fear, I guess). My parents— I’m sick of being around all of the time because they’re busy a lot and we don’t always get along and I miss having them sparingly because I appreciate them more. I also miss my friends and the people I used to live with over in St. Augustine. They were a good support system when I really needed it. I miss the clubs I was associated with and the passion we had for the things we were doing. Narcissistically, I liked having so many friends, for some reason—so many people liked who I was there, exactly for who I was. Here, it’s the same people and I know you can’t be liked by everyone, but I definitely had a lot more friends there than i do here. Yet here, I have my best friend—who has been really great to have with me 24/7 here. I wish I could’ve taken her with me to st. augustine and have it cost a lot less. or maybe go to a different school up in that area and still live there and be away from home. The community there was a lot more artsy and local. Even if I didn’t go to Flagler anymore and was going to school up there—I know id be at Flagler all of the time— I made strong relationships with those friends up there— you have to since you’re so far away from home— you need to make your own family and thats what I did. I’d rather get a job up there too— I know exactly where I want to work, one of my favorite stores, the closet. Ugh, I miss it. I really wish that Flagler was all that I hoped for and loved, but it wasn’t and I had to do what was best for me and my health. We’ll see where life takes me. I want to at least get all of my gen eds done.