it sounds silly to remind yourself that you’re an actual real-life person, but it’s something that i’ve had to do recently…
i’ve worked so hard over the last six years to create my own space on the internet, specifically here on instagram…
just to find myself lost in who i actually am?
i created a space for other gworlies like me, who love fashion, the earth, and our fellow humans SO MUCH!
and then over the last year and half, created a business to support other creators on their journey..
but what about supporting myself?
how have i lost who i am? what are my hobbies outside of content creation? what else am i passionate about besides helping others?
i’ve found that i’m a workaholic. i was working nearly 60 hours/week on all of this internet stuff. dedicating all of my free time to it too.
with content creation, it becomes tricky trying to separate work from play… as you still find yourself searching the internet for trends, marketing research, and new ideas… it just never ends as they say…
i got into this, not just because i had a love for creating or an interest in the internet and how it works, but also BECAUSE OF MY FRIENDS. MY REAL-LIFE FRIENDS.
people don’t understand that a majority of my “audience” are actually my real life friends. my family has always been really good at networking and i love people, so it just made sense.
i had so many friends who would ask me about my fashion and skincare tips/habits, where they should shop if they want to be sustainable, and how they can become more involved/educated in politics like i was growing up…
so that’s sort of why i’m here and why my audience seems to stay stagnant sometimes, cause i’m not out in the world anymore, making any more friends.
i’m home alone (a place i’ve always dreaded to be) cramped in a room with my cat and all of the things i had to take with me from the toxic environment i was living in.
i don’t have a car, or a license, or a permit (but i’ve finally had to nerve to face that fear these last couple of months and it’s coming together)
and honestly i didn’t want to be stuck here in fl, i have so many big dreams and I want to get out, but creating content full-time is just NOT CUTTING IT.
so i’m here to announce (as i’m in tears) that i’m taking off my VR goggles, i’m going back into the real world, getting an in-person job where i can leave my dungeon and make new friends, learn new things, and have new and exciting experiences.
i miss working in the fashion industry, but i also love marketing so if I can make two world collide again, i would love that.
i’ve also learned that people are not intrigued by the affluent influencers that don’t have jobs and just get cash, CAUSE THEY’RE NOT RELATABLE.
and i think having a balance of real life and real relationships with the fun of creating on the side will finally be fun for me again.
i’ve gone thru so much trauma working in this space and trying to connect with people who simply don’t know me, the real me. people just don’t get me like they do in person and idk if that makes me special or just a bitch, but it hasn’t gone unnoticed and i prefer to live in real life with support from real friends who want genuine connections.
that’s why i started the penpal club. i wanted real physical and tangible elements to my friendships, not superficial or gate-keepy.
so yeah i just felt like it was important to keep you all in the loop on my journey and i’m hoping this will help bring my confidence back, because if i’m honest, it was crushed a while ago and i miss the bad bitch i used to stare at in the mirror. she was so cool and she didn’t care what anyone thought, she knew who she was and she was the epitome of UNAPOLOGETIC (which you know is my word this year)
i’m also investing more time in family, because they’re some of the only reliable people in my life, people who love me unconditionally for who i am, and who truly want the best for me.
dear mads, i can’t wait to see you again *heart hand*
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